top nine really stupid places to hide, kids

1. A hot car.

2. A meat locker, after hours.

3. In the same place you hid the time before.

4. A cannon. Unless, maybe, you have on a helmet.

5. A clothes dryer. Unless, maybe, it's one of those big ones at the laundromat, and then that might be sorta cool. Plus, you could see out and wave and crap.

6. In a crowd of unsuspecting nitwits wearing a red-and-white striped shirt and a red-and-white striped tam and some dorky-ass spectacles.

7. In a bathroom stall, crouched on the toilet seat. Like no one's ever going to look there.

8. In a godforsaken weather balloon, that is, if you can find one. My dad never made anything that cool. Have you ever tried hiding in a three-legged, lopsided, plywood magazine rack? Huh? HUH?!

9. In an f-cking box in the f-cking attic for four f-cking hours.