top nine pearls of wisdom for new parents, courtesy of Yoda

BY WHITNEY COLLINS

1. The force, yes. It everywhere is. Even in that diaper. Huge it is.

2. The baby to sleep put. Then vodka you can drink.

3. Spank do not. Unless you want your child a homosexual drug addict to be.

4. Sex never again you will have. Unless for it you pay.

5. His mind Yoda change. That baby a Sith be. Spank you must. Beat even.

6. The dark side I sense in you. To formula I think you should switch.

7. Twilight is upon me. Soon night must fall. For you? Not so much.

8. Vaginal birth more painful than c-section is. There. Yoda that argument solve.

9. Wookiees great nannies make.