haikus for the pbs program director from a disgruntled dad

BY BILL NEWMAN

JAY JAY THE JET PLANE
oh, god, the horror
throw acid in my eyeballs!
please, change the channel

FUNDRAISING DOES NOTHING MORE THAN INTERRUPT THE PROGRAM MY KID WAS WATCHING BEFORE HE DECIDED TO START INTERRUPTING ME
are you nuts? donate?
for a free, friggin' book bag?
what are you smoking?

EPISODES I'D LIKE TO SEE
clifford gets the runs
mr. rogers drinks and drives
elmo learns to "swing"

CAILLOU
oh, screw you, caillou
you want some cheese with that whine?
canadians. geez!

Bill Newman misses Zoom. And the original Electric Company. He used to walk a mile to school in a blizzard wearing snowshoes made out of tin foil. He's giving his kids a leaf blower for Christmas.