bad momma inda 8-5-9

BY BETH TRUSLEY

I was about to cut my husband and abuse my kids;
they be messin' with the Tuppaware and lost the lids.
Then I caught my husband doin' dishes over the sink;
it made me count to 10, kept me out the clink.

That H1N1, some call it swine flu;
both kids caught it, they be home from schoo'.
So, the kids all sick, they be down in bed;
I be takin' a break, guzzlin' down the red.

Bad Momma inda 8-5-9,
I'm bad but I ain't done time.
I like to talk a little smack and catch a buzz,
but I ain't been busted by the damn ole fuzz.

Husband came in with the pimp hand strong;
'cause he be drinkin' bourbon, out way too long.
Came in with the glitter all over his shirt;
say he didn’t know that peepin' at the stripper hurt.

Spent the afternoon drinkin' on the bar stool;
now I'm waitin' with the other parents in the carpool.
Kids bum-rush the car, yappin' 'bout they day;
now I'm  prayin' we get home, no fuzz along the way.

Bad Momma inda 8-5-9,
I'm bad but I ain't done time.
I like to talk a little smack and catch a buzz,
but I ain't been busted by the damn ole fuzz.

Temporarily solo, Boo away on bidnuss;
dog barkin', kids screamin', and I'm thinkin' F--- THIS!
Unwrapped, about to snap, howlin' at da moon;
I swallow a Valium -- altered state be here soon.

Flashforward: dirty knees from scrubbin' the flo';
cussin' at the dog, whose dirty paws on the door.
Kids come in to help while kissin' my cheek;
the flo' don't matta none, not gonna lose sleep.

Bad Momma inda 8-5-9,
I'm bad but I ain't done time.
I like to talk a little smack and catch a buzz,
but I ain't been busted by the damn ole fuzz.

Check it.

Ch-ch-check it.

Word.

Beth Trusley is the momma of two young'uns and works as an Assistant Property Supervisor for about a dozen apartment communities in Lexington, KY. She can't really say which is more entertaining: raising her kids or watchin' over grown ups who live in the rental properties. (Think Peyton Place on steroids.) When Beth is not working, she enjoys packin' heat, Modelos, and the occasional Camel. She can be reached at: btrusley@gmail.com.